When we are going through an anxiety phase, chances are that we have done enough web browsing to be familiar with words like “acceptance”, “self-awareness”, “mindfulness” etc. In this article, however, we do not pursue familiar feel-good spiritual advice that can often be short on practical implementation details.
In this piece, we attempt to lay out battle-tested tips to help us move anxiety away from the center of our field of attention so we can live a normal, even high-functioning, life. Notice that we did not say anything about “curing anxiety”, because we don’t believe that non-volitional feelings (rational or irrational) can be willfully “cured”.
The following 4 steps provide a general outline for our “homework”. We get into the details of each step later. If we find relief from following the suggestions in this article but later find ourselves falling back into our old habit patterns, we would want to come back here and read the following 4 steps again.
STEP 1: Practice looking within through Vipassana
STEP 2: Understand that we cannot “out-think” OR “out-logic” our anxiety. We also acknowledge that we have no control over our thinking mind. So, we do not try to stop our mind from indulging in rumination.
STEP 3: Work on building our “mental muscle” to deal with our current anxiety/depression and future unpleasant events (that life will inevitably throw our way).
STEP 4: Choose “action driven life” over “feelings driven life” (and good things will happen!)
Let us now get into the details of these steps:
STEP 1: LOOKING WITHIN THROUGH VIPASSANA (HATHA YOGA HELPS AS WELL)
Most people on this planet live their lives with their whole attention pointed 100% outwards. When they are angry, their attention is directed at the object of their anger. When they are sad, they are consumed by the situation that caused their sadness.
Self-awareness is essentially being able to turn the flash light of our attention inwards. As we practice Vipassana, we will notice that we start to become more and more self-aware.
For the purpose of this article, we are assuming that the reader is already familiar with the Vipassana meditation technique.
Vipassana helps us:(1) To gain familiarity with our inner world of body sensations, thoughts, feelings etc. (2) Teaches us that with regards to whatever is going on inside us, we have the option to choose “mere observation” instead of the usual reaction of either “expression” (anger, frustration etc.) or “suppression” (distracting ourselves with work, food etc.). In the case of anxiety/depression – through Vipassana, we learn to “merely observe” the corresponding sensations in our body e.g. queasy gut, constricted throat, heavy chest, weak limbs etc.
However, it may be, that during a particularly overwhelming anxiety episode we are simply not motivated to go sit on a cushion and meditate. The remarkable thing about Vipassana is that we can practice it anywhere – brushing our teeth, standing in the queue, in the car waiting for the traffic light to change, at our office desk etc. Any opportunity when our attention is not required elsewhere can be used for a “mini-Vipassana” – we scan the body from head to toe observing all sensations we are experiencing at that given moment.
Hatha Yoga, done mindfully, is another great tool to gain acquaintance with our inner world. Balancing asanas (even those that are not very physically challenging) are quite useful to cultivate body awareness. We notice that it is very difficult to remain in a balanced pose unless we are in the present moment. In fact, it is virtually impossible to balance if our mind has drifted elsewhere. A mindful hatha yoga practice is indeed Vipassana in motion.
STEP 2: UNDERSTAND WITH 100% CONVICTION THAT TRYING TO OUT-THINK OR OUT-LOGIC ANXIETY IS FUTILE
Our mind is in perpetual problem solving mode. It is as if we have an antenna that keeps scanning the environment for problems to solve. So it follows, that when we are anxious, worried, uncertain or fearful (about a ‘real’ or ‘perceived’ problem), our mind goes into overdrive trying to resolve the “problem”. In fact, sometimes, we want nothing more than to sit alone and attempt to think our way out of anxiety/worry/uncertainty/fear. This is usually a futile task. In most cases, the standard of proof that the mind demands to convince itself that the problem does not exist is unattainably high. Also, as is usually the case in OCD induced anxiety, should we find some way to deal with the “problem” which we are currently focused on, our mind will quickly conjure another problem for us to fret about – thus keeping our anxiety alive.
We cannot control our thoughts (Try NOT to think about a ‘pink zebra’ for 5 minutes!). Given that knowledge, we just let our mind do what it does – that is we let it ruminate about our problems. We don’t get angry at ourselves for failing to stop our mind (as if that is even possible!). The goal of this step is only to gain an intellectual conviction that “ruminating about our problems” OR “logically thinking about the circumstances causing our anxiety” DOES NOT bring us closer to resolving our anxiety. There is no effort required in this step, just the conviction of the above understanding.
STEP 3: WHAT DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER: Working on building our “mental muscle”
This is the most important step and also the most difficult one. It requires real determination and will not work unless we are sufficiently fed up with our condition. We are willing to endure short-term discomfort for the promise of long-term freedom from our anxiety.
So how do we build “mental muscle” to deal with inevitable problems/suffering in our life?
We know that physical exercise is commonly recommended for many physical ailments. We also know that there are not too many people who go to the gym or a fitness center because they find it to be a fun place. In fact, most people have to drag themselves to a gym or fitness center. People do so because they know that “physical exercise” will give them long-term benefits (say weight loss etc.) at the cost of short-term discomfort.
In a similar way, this step requires us to allow for “short-term discomfort” for long-term relief from anxiety. In other words, we build our “mental muscle” to deal with future unpleasant circumstances.
The way we build our “mental muscle” is by choosing “action” over “feelings”. We affirm to ourselves that we do not have control over our thoughts or feelings but we have some control over our actions.
Anxiety (just like it’s close sibling – depression), drains our motivation, so much so that we find it difficult to perform the most mundane day-to-day tasks.
In this step, we embark on a “non-cooperation” initiative with regards to our “feelings”. Please be warned, this is not easy to do. However, just like an over-weight person goes to the gym to lose weight, a person suffering from anxiety must enter this mental gym to build their “mental muscle”.
We can build our “mental muscle” in the following ways:
(1) Tasks: An ordinary day is full of tasks – doing the dishes, doing the laundry, preparing food, going to office, running errands, helping kids with homework etc. For a person going through an anxiety/depression phase , these are not simple tasks – but “action vs. feelings” battles. Most people with anxiety/depression will succumb to their “feelings” and will avoid these tasks or do them half-heartedly. They will rather be left alone with their worries and fear. However, these tasks that make up our day are great opportunities to build and test our mental muscle – how we handle these moments will decide if we will ever get out of our anxiety cycle. In all moments that call for action (even an activity like “getting out of bed” in the morning to face the day), we have the choice between “making us mentally stronger” OR “making our anxiety stronger”. We can choose to let our “feelings” dictate our decision-making (e.g. deciding to remain in bed and not to go to work) and thereby forever consign ourselves to be slaves to our anxiety/depression OR we can choose to “act” and build our “mental muscle”. In fact, ‘doing the laundry’ despite anxiety/depression may be thought of as building mental muscles in the same way as “lifting weights in the gym” builds physical muscles.
(2) Body Language: Correcting an anxiety-ridden body language (even if it remains corrected only temporarily) is a great way to build our mental muscle. Any negative emotion – depression, anxiety, fear etc – causes our body to contract. We tend to make ourselves small – we might fold our arms, make a fist, cross our legs etc. As soon as we notice this, we can use this as another “Action vs Feelings” situation that must be resolved. We will try to reverse the body language in that given moment. For example, say that we are sitting at our desk (ruminating about our worries) and suddenly we become aware that we have made a fist with our hand. We forcefully open our hands. This might seem easy to do but requires extra-ordinary effort when consumed by anxiety. If we notice that our posture has become defensive (says our arms are crossed), we forcefully open up our stance. If we are slumped in our chair, we immediately sit upright.
It is very important to note, that our body language will most likely revert to its original state soon (legs will become crossed again etc.). There is no reason to get frustrated with it. The key thing to understand is that we are not trying to IMPROVE our posture or body language in this step (though that would help as well) BUT we are only trying to build our mental muscle by not cooperating with our “feelings” when we become aware of an opportunity to do so.
(3) Looking at anxiety eye to eye: This step can be done as part of a formal Vipassana meditation session OR by taking frequent 5 minutes time-outs during our day (while we are working, waiting, walking, lying down etc.). In this step, we scan our body, inspect all our body parts from head to toe and simply “observe” how anxiety/depression feels in our body. We can start by telling our anxiety – “OK Mr. Anxiety, Give me your best shot!” and then go about observing our body as if we were a neutral third party. For example – we notice our heart racing, our nervous stomach area, burning skin, fast breathing, dry mouth, weak limbs etc. If we have been practicing Vipassana, we have learnt to observe all these sensations without reacting. Again, doing this is not easy when crippled with anxiety. However, this step builds our mental muscle like no other. Every time we don’t react to an unpleasant sensation, we are in effect telling our anxiety – “Mr Anxiety, No point in giving me this sensation. It does nothing to me.” and sure enough we notice that the grip of those sensations start to get weaker every time. However, we should not do this step with an active expectation of getting rid of the unpleasant sensations. We should do this step as if this step was an end in itself (not as if it was an step towards some tangible outcome).
STEP 4: LETTING ‘ACTION’ DRIVE OUR LIVES, NOT ‘FEELINGS’: If people let themselves be ruled by their “feelings”, most people ( “anxious” as well as “non-anxious” people) will never go to work, exercise, eat healthy food or do household work. This is because a vast majority of people in this world do not normally find these activities “enjoyable”.
When we are going through an “anxiety” or “depression” phase, “feelings” have a much stronger grip on us than they ordinarily do. Our key to success in remaining functional and productive during anxiety/depression is to remain steadfast on not giving in to our “feelings” (no matter how strong) and remain committed on the path of “action”. As we have said multiple times in this article that doing this is not easy. However, when we find the strength to give priority to “action” over “feelings”, amazing things happen. We find that anxiety/depression starts to retreat bit by bit. If it remains, it relegates to the background. It might surface from time to time OR even several times during the day but we find that, in general, we seem to be no longer “anxious about our anxiety” OR “depressed about our depression”. In other words, by focusing on “actions”, we have created a “new normal” for us – in which it is okay to have anxiety or depression – and we remain fully functional regardless. This is “acceptance” – yes, the word that is bandied about on many well-meaning spiritual web sites. This is also Vipassana.